When I was a kid, I loved Duck tales. So much so that the song still plays in my head unexpectantly.
There's a stranger out to find you
What to do, just grab on to some
Every day they're out there making
DuckTales! Woo-oo!
Tales of derring-do
Bad and good luck tales! Woo-oo!
The hero was a character called DW.
Yesterday I was sent an ending message, from a guy that was in my life 20 years ago. His initials were DW.
It dawned on me.... while walking to work in the rain... as the Ducktales song screamed in my head.... DW was my hero. I idolised a cheating, ego centric, arrogant, scary man. Why?
It is sad. I am sad letting him go again. I miss intelligent conversation... but he has opened a new avenue to me that I thought was completely blocked off. Adult conversations with people from my youth. The people that I lost (living). The people that Ive portraited.
What a complete wanker DW was. He wanted to apologise, hear he was forgiven, say he wanted to message (and did most nights around midnight) and that he cared for me (as a friend), then f-d off like a brick wall falling over.
What did I learn? He hasnt changed. He still wants someone to say he is good and kind and smart and charismatic, a man on an ego trip. I couldnt give this to him, I dont know him.
Also, this is yet another person who doesnt remember... I do. I even put myself in his shoes. But he cant remember anything. Im left with so many questions.
If he realised he was a Prick (his words), what is he going to teach his two boys so they dont become the same?
When did he realise what he did was awful? How did he realise? If he cares for me, why say goodbye? Did he tell his wife we were talking? He must realise that the world is small and we are going to come into contact, how would he like to proceed?
Im done. Its pretty good really. I contacted a friend and we made up reasons (the worst and the best, then settle on something inbetween). It helped me stop the questions....
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