Whirlwind

Coffee, Guarana protein bar, cool shoes but wrong socks, had a panic attack. 

Mid recovery fire alarm drill, toileting, photo to a birthday girl, email with no emotion from my tutor cc'd my lecturer, email from my registration saying they couldn't answer my question about Cutting Edge and have forwarded on.  

Chai at a cafe, meet with a manager/friend, spoke of: culture, Dunedin, LOAD, management. 

Now I'm back at work and there's someone in my office doing drilling with the windows open and no curtains. I wanted to put my head down and work. Instead I'm in another office with fluro lights, without my computer, with no lighter for the oil burner I bought to try and regulate my anxiety. 

DdddddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRR. DdddddddddddddddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRR. 

What I'm think.... 

I went looking for an article that was in our March lecture and I couldn't find it, so I emailed my lecturer and tutor. My tutor gave me the information I needed, but it was very direct. I think I'm reading too much into it: that he's upset with me finding an error in their information. 

I want to attend Cutting Edge, will be the first time I can after all the crap I went through with previous workplaces. I think I may have to pay the $200 excess, the difference between student and member. 

I think I should visit the Dunedin site before commiting to working, and it's likely to be set up before I start back at PG (end of July). 

I think I can make it through a LOAD meeting now that I have a posse/entourage going with me.... Even if one of them has flaked on me five very distinct times (and is now my team lead, crack up). I had to tell my story of persecution (being turned down for PG, being taken into a discipline meeting for something the manager did, not being able to disclose to the registration board). It was hard, my cheeks went red, I got itchy.... I think I will hit a low tonight, or tomorrow.

I think I will go ahead with the Mentalisation Based Therapy training... On top of everything. I kind of want to know where it will eventuate. They haven't found anyone suitable to take over for their retirees.... Would they look in my direction? Would they consider me? 

I think I have my second prong organised for the meeting with HR manager (I thought he was CEO, but he's not) on Tuesday.... I think I will appeal to his understanding of spirituality and religion. Maybe after discussing the move to Dunners. Supply him with the agitated letter I have written.