I passed. I think it was a b mark.
Comments were, I was hesitant.
I went silent in the middle of playing games, unusual for me as I am vocal and humorous usually.
I go to bed.
I'm awake until 1am then 2am. Flashes of "4/10" and "hesitant" and "effortful".... and I think "what a prat".
Blame him first:
1. during his lecture he introduced himself to everyone individually, except me. when I spoke up he acknowledged someone else and moved past me.
2. When he began the exam he looked surprised to see me, as if he didn't know me.... because he didn't make a point of meeting me, even though I was on his list of students.
3. I interrupted him in the oral exam to ask questions, clearly pointing out I needed processing time.
4. He began by saying there would be questions and discussion.... there was not. only questions.
5. He interrupted my answers with more questions, interrupting my train of thought and was unclear.
6. sped through the questions and wasn't given my alloted 20mins.
Blame the system second:
1. The examiners were all given the same brief on how to exam, but they all took that information differently.
2. we weren't given the questions earlier to rehearse our responses.
3. we were told we had to stare directly in the camera for a question (which I struggle with normally), giving me extra anxiety, which was undue.
4. A Compass and the oral were on the same day.
5. the oral was not on our original schedule - I had to take a day off for it.... another stressor....
6. and the entire thing was on zoom!!!! I can't read body language on zoom. I can't connect with my fellow students and practice my responses. I have a completely different work schedule at the minute.
Blame myself third:
1. I had 4-5hrs sleep
2. I went into it thinking I don't really care because it doesn't go towards my grade
3. I could have completed my Compass on a previous day.
4. I could have studied harder
5. I could have pointed out the obvious - dementia, whaikōrero - but I thought they were misdirects
6. This isn't hard.... it's just raising my standards to met an institutes criteria.... stop making it hard.
Now I find myself back at work (on a public holiday), with the most insanely self obsessed, entitled, naive, a-hole. None stop psuedo intellectual conversation with sweeping remarks which revolve around biblical nonsense which is his own judgment hidden in a guise of masculine superiority. "men are better leaders". The amount of use of the word "like". The dribble that comes out of his mouth about his experiences in the world - we did covid wrong: too many rules that he breaks, hundreds of people tell him he is an overthinker, childhood experiences, and every ill-placed sentence is repeated with a trailing off dreaminess - like some kind of punctuation. me me me, and ABSOLUTELY NO EMPATHY. I told him I couldn't talk while I was reading, so he just talked at me. Told me how his brain was firing and wanted to talk more and more. I am too tired. This is non-sense. I don't have time to be a good co-worker to this guy.... it's my last shift (ever) at adult res.
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